How to Handle Body Comments from Family or Friends (Without Spiraling)

Body comments from others is one of the most under rated issues that are NOT addressed in MOST if not ALL diet programs and I need to talk about it! One of my clients actually inspired this blog post after having a particularly tricky family gathering and it was such crappy hurdle, but a GREAT learning experience that I was honored to help her through.  You will find some mock scripts that we discussed and ones that may also work for you and some more ways to support yourself if you know this has happened to you before and/or it is triggering to you.

You know what I’m talking about, you walk into a family gathering already juggling a million things (work, home, kids, your mental load) and then someone says it:

“Wow, you’ve lost weight! What’s your secret?”
“Are you eating again?”
“You were thinner last time I saw you.”

Cue the pit in your stomach. Whether it’s a backhanded compliment, an unsolicited opinion, or just someone being clueless, comments about your body (even well-meaning ones) can completely derail your mood and even your motivation. Especially when you’re already doing the most to take care of yourself.

So how do you prepare for these moments and protect your peace? Let’s break it down.

Step 1: Know It’s Not You — It’s the Culture They Grew Up In

Before we get into the how-to, let’s be CLEAR about this:
People often comment on bodies because diet culture has trained them to do it.
They’re parroting things they were raised to believe ( you know, that smaller is better, that weight equals worth, that women’s bodies are public property).  And honestly, sometimes they think they are being compliemntary or even helpful. 🤦

By no means does this doesn’t make the comment okay, it just helps you depersonalize it.

🧠 Behavior science nugget: Our brains are wired to seek social approval. When we perceive criticism, especially about our appearance, it activates our stress response. That’s why one random comment can lead to overthinking, restriction, emotional eating, or even skipping meals the next day “to compensate.” so try to let go of the responsibility you feel towards it. This isn’t about willpower, it’s how the brain works under social stress.

Step 2: Prep Mentally Before the Event

If you’re heading into a situation where you know someone will say something (holidays, reunions, birthday parties, funerals) prep yourself ahead of time.

Here’s how:

✨ 1. Set a Mental Boundary

Remind yourself: “Other people’s opinions about my body are not facts. I do not owe anyone an explanation.”

However, you can remember this is great. Write it in your phone notes. Say it in the car on the way there. Whisper it in the bathroom if you need to.

✨ 2. Choose Your Response Style

You get to choose how much energy you give a comment:

• Direct & Firm: “I’m not talking about my body today.”
  
• Deflective: “I’d rather catch up on what you’ve been up to lately!”
  
• Humorous: “Ah, the family body-check tradition continues!” (cue raised eyebrow)
  

Practice what feels authentic so you’re not caught off guard. This may sound silly but it is VERY helpful when someone interjects their thoughts about your body when you’re just trying to enjoy your lunch.

✨ 3. Have a Support Person

If someone in your circle gets it, tell them beforehand:

“Hey, sometimes people make comments about my body and it messes with my head. If you hear it, can you help me change the subject or just give me a look of solidarity?”

Sometimes all it takes is one person in the room who gets it to make you feel safe. You would be surprised how many of my clients (and women in general) find someone talking about their body triggering so please do not feel like it’s just you, because it is NOT!

Step 3: Try These Scripts (Choose What Feels Right)

Here are a few word-for-word ways you can respond:

You don’t have to educate everyone. Sometimes just shifting the conversation is the win.

Step 4: After the Comment -Don’t perseverate on it.

You might still walk away feeling shaky. That’s okay. The feeling will pass, I promise.💛

Here’s what not to do:
❌ Skip meals the next day or binge eat to make yourself feel better
❌ Punish yourself at the gym
❌ Let the shame spiral lead to extreme restriction

Instead, try this:

✅ Pause and Name It: “That comment hit a nerve. I felt X because Y.”
✅ Remind Yourself: “One person’s opinion doesn’t cancel all my progress.”
✅ Reconnect with Your ‘Why’: “I’m doing this for my energy, mood, mental health, not to earn approval.”

🧠 Behavior science nugget:
The thoughts you have after a body comment influence the behaviors you choose next.
When thoughts like “I’m disgusting” or “I need to fix this” show up, they often trigger compensatory behaviors (like skipping meals or overexercising). But if we pause, notice, and choose a self-compassionate thought like “That was hurtful, but I’m still worthy” we interrupt the loop.

Step 5: Give Yourself Credit for Navigating This

Dealing with body comments as a woman (especially one who’s already self-critical) is HARD WORK and should not be discredited.  Every time you choose a compassionate thought, a boundary, a response that protects your peace you’re rewiring your relationship with food, your body, and yourself. And that matters more than anyone else’s opinion, ever! You deserve a feel comfortable in your body and no one else’s opinion should matter. As long as you are making choices you feel good about in regard to your food and lifestyle habits, you are doing the best you can! One of my favorite moments is when a client tells me that they looked in the mirror and didn’t feel dread. Or they went clothing shopping and it was actually a GREAT experience. My hope is that you realize that you are MORE than your weight, my friend. Because the truth is, we only have one life and spending it worried about what others will say, is exhausting and a waste of time.  Appreciate your body and if you dont’ or that feels weird to even think than I’m here when you’re ready!

Always in your corner,

Jackie